Do I even Deserve Love?

I look back on my life.

I’m a truly detestable person.

I’ve used others(and been used in all fairness) for my own personal gain. I’ve loved and cared others not out of a sense of altruism but out the expectation that I’m to be repaid.

To me that’s natural.

All for my grandiose vision and entitlement to megalomania. I’m a great man as I’d like to believe.

Though I still don’t feel like I deserve to be loved. If not for the sins I’ve committed, instead I’d say for the hollowness of my interactions.

My “social circle” was built all for my personal gain.

I have true friends now, but is that truly something deserving?

The love I’ve received from women worthwhile for them? Even though they are but faces by and large(though with exceptions).

Am I worthy?

That’s the thought I struggle with day to day.

I feed on the dreams of others to satisfy my own ends. I guess to achieve happiness . Even I don’t know if that’s the true answer.

Anyways am I deserving of love?

I don’t know but I’d like to know.

All the best,

Comte De St. Germain

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